Please don't get all excited and drooling cuz this isn't an actual full length blog. But not to worry! I promise to post a full blog as soon as I feel like it. This is my blog you know. I post when I want to. We clear? Good. Anywho This has got to be the funnest thing I've read in the history of our 6,000(yes, thousand)-year-old universe. I laughed so hard I cried. I think the effect of me having my Mac speak it to me added some serious humor effect, so if you're lame and still use Windows, go to Sounds, Speech, and Audio devices and type it in for ole Microsoft Sam to say. Dont click on the link below until you read it all.
"The best wedgie i have ever had. Theres nothin wrong with a good old fashioned wedgie. A friend of mine gave me a wedgie on my birthday and I loved it. I recomend a good wedgie to anyone. Its helpful to have a wedgie while performing live."
That was a product review for this: http://accessories.musiciansfriend.com/product/Wedgie-Headstock-Mount-Pick-Holder?sku=429040
If you're not rolling by now something is majorly wrong with one of us. You folks have a good New Years!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Only In Mississippi...
As I was standing outside earlier, I realized just how much Mississippi, and the rest of the Deep South, has it's own culture and way of life. Things happen here quite often that are totally normal to me, but when you step back and look you realize that "don't too many other folks do it this way." To us Mississippians, however, these things are so common-place that I'm having trouble thinking of things that stand out. But I have managed to come up with a few examples anyway. So here goes.
1. It is perfectly normal to get behind a tractor on the highway (as a side note, a "highway" in Mississippi is described as any road with stripes, and a road has to be paved to be called a "good road"). Tractors and cotton pickers are also seen frequently in town, waiting at the redlight just like everybody else. There is also the occasional horse.
2. At family reunions, the topics of choice are hunting and football, but probably more hunting. My cousin drove up with a deer he had killed (8-point, not huge but still a pretty good one), and every male old enough to walk had to go out and look at it. He drove the whole way with the deer still in the 4-wheeler rack. Then a few of is stood around and held the flashlight while he cleaned it on the truck tail gate. That's what really got me thinking about all this. Non-hunters like myself even know where the best places to hunt are (Big Black Bottom) and how to bait and track deer.
3. It is not uncommon to see and old, beat up vehicle pulling and older, beat upper (new word of the day) vehicle, down the highway (as defined in example 1.) with a chain.
4. The quality of a truck is determined by how much mud it will go through.
5. Yard rolling is done to people you like.
6. I went to an outdoor Christmas program last night at a church down the road. In this small country church, the members had enough farm animals to fill every scene. The narration was done in pure redneck accent. I would make an attempt to replicate some things that were said, but letters and punctuation really cant do it justice.
I reckon (yes, we say that) that's about all the good examples I can come up with right off. I'm sure there are ton's more, and if people will be kind enough to contribute and bring them to my attention I'll be sure and add them later. I would also like to add that, despite my formalish grammar style, I talk like any other Mississippian redneck out there. Y'all have a good 'un.
1. It is perfectly normal to get behind a tractor on the highway (as a side note, a "highway" in Mississippi is described as any road with stripes, and a road has to be paved to be called a "good road"). Tractors and cotton pickers are also seen frequently in town, waiting at the redlight just like everybody else. There is also the occasional horse.
2. At family reunions, the topics of choice are hunting and football, but probably more hunting. My cousin drove up with a deer he had killed (8-point, not huge but still a pretty good one), and every male old enough to walk had to go out and look at it. He drove the whole way with the deer still in the 4-wheeler rack. Then a few of is stood around and held the flashlight while he cleaned it on the truck tail gate. That's what really got me thinking about all this. Non-hunters like myself even know where the best places to hunt are (Big Black Bottom) and how to bait and track deer.
3. It is not uncommon to see and old, beat up vehicle pulling and older, beat upper (new word of the day) vehicle, down the highway (as defined in example 1.) with a chain.
4. The quality of a truck is determined by how much mud it will go through.
5. Yard rolling is done to people you like.
6. I went to an outdoor Christmas program last night at a church down the road. In this small country church, the members had enough farm animals to fill every scene. The narration was done in pure redneck accent. I would make an attempt to replicate some things that were said, but letters and punctuation really cant do it justice.
I reckon (yes, we say that) that's about all the good examples I can come up with right off. I'm sure there are ton's more, and if people will be kind enough to contribute and bring them to my attention I'll be sure and add them later. I would also like to add that, despite my formalish grammar style, I talk like any other Mississippian redneck out there. Y'all have a good 'un.
My Teeth Are Gone, Now I Can't Eat.
That title was indeed an attempt to play with the title of Chris Tomlin's "My Chains Are Gone, I've Been Set Free" for any of you who were wondering about that.
Well I went in Thursday, a nurse stabbed me and told me the lights were going to wobble, which they did excessively, and next thing i knew i was trying to tell a nurse that just moved here from Minnesota how cold it got here in the winter. I wasn't doing too tell with that though considering the fact that my mouth was filled with gauze. I looked like a chipmunk caught eating out of the pecan jar. But other than that I cant say I've had any pain, I'm just pretty stiff.
I had spaghetti from a blender today. I'll spare you the details on what it looked like, but it definitely felt like I was chewing the cud. I have never realized what a blessing those rear molars really are. I mean seriously, incisors are pretty much useless after those first few crunches.
Needless to say I've had a considerable about of time to think lately, being for the most part restricted to the recliner in the living room. One thing I've been really searching for lately is absolute evidence that God exists and is there. Now don't get me wrong, I totally believe He is and that Jesus is the way, etc. I guess what I'm looking for is proof to show those who try to disprove God that absolutely could not be argued against. And maybe that proof is there, but no matter what it will still be argued against. After all, it is faith that saves us, and faith is, according to Hebrews 11:1, "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Faith by definition is saying "ya know what, I don't understand it, I don't have something in writing that proves this, but I know in my heart that it is true." This just goes to show us that we cannot argue or debate somebody into having faith, because faith comes from conviction in our hearts, which comes from the Holy Spirit. So I guess this could be a big of encouragement to those who get tangled up in the intellectual battle of weather God exists, because it's encouraging me as I write this.
Well I went in Thursday, a nurse stabbed me and told me the lights were going to wobble, which they did excessively, and next thing i knew i was trying to tell a nurse that just moved here from Minnesota how cold it got here in the winter. I wasn't doing too tell with that though considering the fact that my mouth was filled with gauze. I looked like a chipmunk caught eating out of the pecan jar. But other than that I cant say I've had any pain, I'm just pretty stiff.
I had spaghetti from a blender today. I'll spare you the details on what it looked like, but it definitely felt like I was chewing the cud. I have never realized what a blessing those rear molars really are. I mean seriously, incisors are pretty much useless after those first few crunches.
Needless to say I've had a considerable about of time to think lately, being for the most part restricted to the recliner in the living room. One thing I've been really searching for lately is absolute evidence that God exists and is there. Now don't get me wrong, I totally believe He is and that Jesus is the way, etc. I guess what I'm looking for is proof to show those who try to disprove God that absolutely could not be argued against. And maybe that proof is there, but no matter what it will still be argued against. After all, it is faith that saves us, and faith is, according to Hebrews 11:1, "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Faith by definition is saying "ya know what, I don't understand it, I don't have something in writing that proves this, but I know in my heart that it is true." This just goes to show us that we cannot argue or debate somebody into having faith, because faith comes from conviction in our hearts, which comes from the Holy Spirit. So I guess this could be a big of encouragement to those who get tangled up in the intellectual battle of weather God exists, because it's encouraging me as I write this.
A Summary of Myself
12-3-08
Current mood:Elaborative
Don't ask me why but the blogging mood just hit me (inspired by this website-http://www.dullestblog.com/). Since the idea has already been taken I figured I would either have to break the record find something else to blog about, which may or may not be more interesting, but I would hope as humorous. Humor is not the subject of the day though because I am quite in a state of gloom. I mean, wouldn't you be if you knew some dude was going to knock you out and cut the three biggest teeth in your mouth out tomorrow, leaving you in pain for several days and instructing you to do salt-water rinses after every flippin meal for the next several weeks (does that really help?). On the dentist note, it has been my long-standing opinion that the tooth fairy DOES indeed exist; however the money you receive from her is actually a high-interest loan from the dentist which you pay back healthily when you grow up and have kids.
For any of you bored enough to continue reading subsequent blogs of mine, there are a few things you should know:
1. I am staunchly conservative in my political ideology, and speak of such often. Any good jokes about liberals, socialists, communists, Barak Obama, and other demonic forces will be told here.
2. I do not judge, I state facts. If you get drunk, you are a drunkard. If you cuss, you are a cusser (that is now a word). If you smoke, you are a smoker. If you are a human, you sin, making you a sinner. If you lie, you area liar. If you have a problem with any of that, take it up with God and Noah Webster.
3. To all you "be tolerant" people, if you complain about anything I say, you are being hypocritical to your beliefs, because you are thereby not tolerating me. You should tolerate the fact that I'm intolerant, and be open-minded to the fat that I am narrow-minded.
4. I was born and raised in the South. That being the case, certain words and phrases such as "ain't", "I reckon", "Do what?" (because Hannah loves it when i say that), "Y'on'a (do you want to)", and "wussat?" are apt to be a part of my language, depending on my current mood. I also have adapted a bit of foreign culture into my vocabulary such as Canadian ("Eh?"), Australian ("'ello" and anything about wallabes, Stever Irwin/sting ray jokes, etc.), and which ever culture says "Ya".
5. I am very opinionated, as I already stated in relation to my political views. My opinionation is not limited to politics, but expands to music, religion (John 14:6), and anything else that I know I'm right on, which is fact in the event that I really am right.
6. I love information. I don't care if it's pointless (like the fact that camels can drink 2.5-7 gallons of water per minute) or something that actually has some relevance to life. If I don't know it, I'll look it up, and usually have a way of doing so immediately.
7. Most importantly, as I hope you have gather from my bio, I am a follower of Christ. He died so I wouldn't have to, so the least I can do is serve Him.
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