Redneck Philosopher

The Frailty of Life

2010-02-16T14:54:00.001-08:00

“You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” - James 4:14.

I think that could pretty well sum up the entire blog right there, and would say just as much in itself as it would if I filled several pages. However, I feel a bit too contemplative to just let it go at that. I’ve been thinking a good deal lately, today especially, about how we are just what James says; a vapor that appears and vanishes away. Not only do we appear and vanish away quickly, but our lives are so fragile along that short 80-year period. At any instant something could happen that could snuff out our lives before we could really think about it. I was walking in the woods carrying a shot gun earlier. I could have slipped and fell or dropped the gun, which could have discharged into my chest or head, and that would be the end of my life here. Of course I do carry it safely, by the way, with the hammer up (i.e., safety on), but freak accidents do happen.

What really got me to thinking on such morbid topics are the experiences I’ve had driving lately. Within the past two weeks, I’ve come on the very edge of having three very serious car accidents. Today I was on a two-lane road between Forrest and Raleigh on a very open stretch of road. I was starting down a long hill and I noticed an unloaded log truck passing a few cars and another 18-wheeler. I saw that he wasn’t progressing past them very fast, and for some reason I started slowing down. I saw that he probably wasn’t going to make it, so I slowed down to about 20 or 30 mph. I then realized that he definitely wasn’t going to make it, and I had to pull over onto the shoulder just before he flew by. He was just starting to go back into his lane when he passed where I was stopping. It all happened without squealing tires or horns or anything (though I regretted not laying it on him has he passed by), but it easily could have been serious. The road may not have had a wide enough shoulder, like in most of that area. He could have come up like that over a hill or around a curve. So many things could have gone tragically wrong, but God saw that it was good for me to be in that place where I could safely pull over, and for me to have the instinct to slow down far ahead of time. But if any one of those factors weren’t there, it could have again been the end of me. Trucks usually lose in games of chicken with 18-wheelers.

So that’s where my thought process on all this began. I think the scariest part about something like that to me is not getting to say goodbye. There are things I would want to tell people that I wouldn’t have the chance to; many are things that simply can’t be said for now as long as I think I’ll keep on going for a good many more years. Of course I know that my very next experience would be with Jesus, which really makes death nothing to dear at all. The aftermath of death for those who are believers in Jesus Christ is so amazing that I simply cannot understand my human desire to want to finish my “do list” in this life first.

Going back to the original point, our lives are so dependent of God’s sovereign will and his gentle hand. That’s why just a few verses earlier James says (in Southern lingo) “Now don’t say you’re gonna go start you up a business over yonder in Starksville and git you a nice house and how you’re gonna retire early and live comfortable and spoil yer grand-younguns, cuz you ain’t go idea what could happen ‘tween now and then.” James says Lord willing, you will do the things you set out to do, but only if it’s in His will. Again, it’s my challenge that we realize how fragile out lives are, and how easily our work here can come to an end. Our lives rest in the hands of an all-powerful and jealous God, but also in the hands of a God who is infinitely loving to those who are His children. He loved us, He died for us, he forgave us, He called us, and He adopted us. Out frailty in life serves one purpose, and that is to show His infinite love and grace towards us.

Greetings from East Tenneessee

2010-02-03T18:03:00.001-08:00

Durn it's been a long time since I updated this thing. Of course it's not like a message to the world, despite the fact that it's available to the whole world, so I realize the vast majority of the world is little concerned about what and when I blog. Of course, the fact the the entire world could read this is they wanted to does bring a little consolation.

All that aside, I've had an interesting day. It's an interesting feeling to take a day to decide what to do with the rest of your life. I realize choosing a college isn't generally considered a life-bearing decision, but in reality it's like setting off a infinite line of upright dominoes (I really don't think that's spelled right, but I had to agree with the Spell Checker or put up with the obnoxious red underline). Choosing one college over another potentially sets the course of your entire life. Think if the people you will meet in the first semester, even the first week. Actually, think back to the first day of the school/job you're currently in. Think of your friends, the times you've had with them, your experiences together, decisions you had made because of them.

Now imagine that you had chosen to work at Wal-Mart instead of McDonalds (though I'm not sure which is better), of chosen different classes, or a different college. You'd have never met many of the people now in your life. Of course, there really is no way to know what lies down either line of dominoes you choose to topple.

For those who are followers of Jesus Christ, this is why prayer is so vital to these decisions. I mean honestly, what wisdom to we have to make such a decision compared to that of an infinite God who knows every nuance of the future, knows us better than we do, every nook and cranny of our hearts. If we claim to be His followers, should that decision not be under His guidance? Now this does bring a new twist into the decision. What does God want for me? I have fretted, and worried, and stayed up all hours of the night (an extra 30 minutes in reality) trying to answer this question. How do I KNOW it's the right choice? God doesn't usually send neon signs (or talking donkeys) to tell us what we need to do. So after all the mental wrestling matches, I ran across a cool section of verses in Proverbs 16.
1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
But the LORD weighs the motives.
3 Commit your works to the LORD
And your plans will be established.
Verse 3 especially caught my eye. To translate, it says that if all we do in our lives is all about Christ, our thoughts, actions, etc., then His plans for us will fall into place. We'll make the right choices because we are already living for Him. Of course the challenge in that is to live for Him in the rest of our lives. That's what makes knowing Christ more than just a religion. It's one-on-one; it's personal. It's walking with Him, not just paying homage to a being that we can't know or doesn't exist. Pretty cool, eh?

So to get back to what's been going on, I checked out Belmont University in Nashville today for the second time. It's given me more of a peace about it to go again and look it all over by myself, just to think and soak it all in and see myself there. So unless God leads me elsewhere, I believe that's where I'll be going in the fall. I met two folks from Massachusetts who were very informative about my major, and enjoyable to talk to. I had no idea there was a soul up there who was politically conservative, but I guess I was proven wrong. The best things about the college are that it has 93% wi-fi coverage, has the tallest rock climbing wall in Tennessee, and the food is awesome. If only I didn't have to deal with the bells ringing out every hour...

Lame Joke Award

2009-11-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

I had to write a special occasion speech for class, and decided ot have some fun with it.

"Thank you and welcome to the Comedy Awards, brought to you by the Idaho Comedy Commission (ICC). The ICC has long been a promoter of high quality, laughter-inducing humor, and as a result has sponsored tonight’s ceremony. Many awards will be given tonight, from the Wit Award, to the Facial Expressions Award, to the Klutz Award. But for the first time tonight, we will be adding a new award to our selection.
After years of eye-rolling and sighs of despair, the Idaho Comedy Commission felt it necessary to recognize the sincere efforts of comedians who never seem to be able to arouse more than a blank stare from their audience. The Lame Joke Award has come about out of sheer sympathy, in efforts to make the Comedy Awards a less depressing event. Our recipient tonight is a student at ICC (Itawamba Community College). This person was neck and neck with several other candidates, but her joke about the man who had to break into his music store because he had the wrong key, along with her French Cows joke, nailed the lid shut on that coffin. Ladies and gentlemen, my sincerest apologies on bringing those jokes back to your attention. And now, the Idaho Comedy Commission, with moderate pride, presents the Lame Joke Award to none other than Sarah Shields."

Some disheartening occurances.

2009-11-07T20:57:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went with a close friend of mine to her dad's house. While I do greatly enjoy my friend's company, a big reason I went was to be there for her and give her a friend while with her dad's side of the family. You see, high moral standards are, sadly, the last thing on their mind. They respect my friend's beliefs, but that's about as far as it goes.

The language there is atrocious. It breaks my heart to see her dad's 5-year-old step daughter being raised in such an environment. She's so innocent, so pure in heart, but I know unless God works a miracle how she will most likely grow up to be. The worst part of it all is that they are so sexually loose. This is her dad's fourth wife I believe. They practically encourage promiscuity. My friend's cousin and his friend were there as well, which started said depressing events.

Her cousin has a girlfriend, who was there, but he and his friend had invited two other high school girls there to spend the night. They had just met them that day, maybe the day before. Her cousin had to ask one of the girls's names while we were at supper, but it was obvious what was going to take place later that night. I couldn't help but think of her cousin and friend as the fools Solomon so often speaks of in the book of Proverbs. The way they act and talk is nothing but foolishness, and beyond that immoral. I found myself angry at what they were doing to those girls. I'm sure the girls were far from innocent, and had, so to speak, been around the block a few times. But I couldn't help feeling sorry for them. They were giving themselves away to complete strangers, and completely deceiving their parents. Not to mention the legality issues.

I'm not a female, so I'm left to wonder what makes a girl give away the most special and precious part of herself like that. Is it to feel accepted? Beautiful? Loved? I could look into their eyes and see that they didn't know what real love is, for it seemed they had never experienced it. I could see the emptiness there, especially in one of them. It makes me wonder, did I fail? Could I have done something to stop what took place? Did I miss a chance to share the gospel? Who else has failed to share it with them as well, or have they rebelled against it? To the ladies out there, please save yourselves for the man God has set apart for you. The man you will spend the rest of your life with, who you will bear and raise your children with. No other man (or boy) deserves what you have to offer until you are united as one in Christ through marriage. It is too special, too amazing, too mind-blowing a gift to be given away at a whim.

Intolerance or Correction?

2009-10-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Suppose you and I are on a plane in Denver, heading to New York. The only problem is, your intentions were to go to Seattle. Would you want me to tolerate the fact that you think you're going to going to Seattle and let you fly to New York, or had you rather me inform you that you're on the wrong plane? We both know that it would actually be very kind and respectful of me to correct you.

Let's suppose that you and I are going through life, considering what will happen after we die. I know that there is Heaven, and also that there is a Hell. I have no doubts about this. Would you want me to tolerate the fact that you are on your way to eternal suffering and just let you go there? Or had you rather me inform you of the way to eternal life? Without Jesus, we are doomed to an eternity in hell, but through Jesus, God offers us forgiveness and eternal life. Please accept Him.

1 John 2:22-23. "Who is the liar the one who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is the antichrist, the one who denies the Father and the Son. Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father; the one who confesses the Son had the Father also."

Romans 10:8-11. "The Word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart- that is, the word of faith that we are preaching, that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, 'Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.'"

Confusion

2009-08-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

The time is 11:22. I just woke up. I went to bed at 8. 8 A.M. Like this morning 8 A.M. What, you might ask, the heck did I go to bed that late for? It's quite an interesting story. I don't think I've ever been to an even with the times mixed up so badly. I was asked to play bass for the worship service at a lock in at the Church of God of Prophesy somewhere way off on the other side of the state. I'd have bet my right pinkie toe that I was told we were playing on Saturday. Thursday I found out from my drummer/friend/failed organizer (Nick, if you're reading this, I love you) that we play Friday night. No problem! I just rearranged the other 17.3 things I had to do this weekend and I'm set to go. We leave at 4. Nick called are 2:30 and said we leave at 3. No problem. I just fly home from town, throw all my gear in the car, and rush back to Nick's house. When we got there we found out that Nick wasn't asked to leave at 3, but at 4. As we were rushing to set up for the service which started at 7:30, we found out that it started at 8:30. During that time I also found out that we were staying at the lock in. All. Night. Long. When Nick said we would be home around 9 or 10, I thought he meant 9 or 10 P.M. He meant A.M. Of course we also found out the lock in ended at 5, not 9 (thank goodness). And of course my phone died during the worship service. But, all in all, I had a pretty decent night. The theme and the message were on unity. To be honest, I've never been a big fan of talking about unity. Just seems like something that should be a given within churches, and not something people have to fight for, and ironically, over. How about we all just get in God's Word, study it, know it, know HIM? If we did that we couldn't help but be united! All the divisions and issues, big and small, could be peacefully resolved. There's a shocker, eh? I think my mind would fry if a disagreement in the church were peacefully resolved.

Let's Get This Straight

2009-05-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, all. I would like to announce that I am OUT of school. No more. Zippo. I am through. Till August at least. We clear on that? Good. The good news for you folks is that I'll, in theory, be able to blog a bit more since I'm not spending all my writing time discussing why an appeasement policy towards Hitler caused WWII on the school message boards. It didn't cause WWII on the message boards by the way, I meant it caused the real WWII. The English language just made it difficult to put that last prepositional phrase somewhere that made sense. Now that that's behind us, you have to be wondering what I did today. Go ahead, ask! Fine, I'll tell you anyway. Take a deep breath, and prepare for bluntness.

I went to a memorial service. Exciting eh? Actually, a good portion of it made me want to puke. I had no idea church events could be so un-Biblical. It also seemed a bit dead, which I found ironic considering the occasion, but that seems to be a common church problem. First of all everything was done out of routine, as in they did it just because they had always done it, and I honestly didn't catch a bit of worshipful attitude about it. Even prayers were said just because it was time to, like some sort of ritual. I guess that sounds familiar to many of you though, so I'll start on the part that got me to thinking. As we were about to go into "Victory in Jesus", the lady leading the singing said something along the lines of "My momma loves this song, now y'all sing loud so she can hear it. I know she doesn't even need a book." Considering the song-leading lady was headed for 75 afwul fast, I figure it's safe to assume that her mother has been deceased for quite some time. I didn't see any 100-year old deaf ladies in the congregation, though a few had to be shouted at to carry on much of a conversation. I have to admit though I had a hard time keeping quiet when I realized that singer lady actually believed her mother was looking down from heaven and singing with us. While thats a nice sweet though, it just ain't the case.

When it comes to heaven, we make things so dumbed down and so much worse than they really are. The truth is, IF her momma is in heaven, she is likely so busy worshipping God that she couldn't care beans about what's going on down here. So why is it we like to think our deceased loved ones are sitting there taking care of us? Frankly, I much prefer God to do that Himself. He does a much better job.

Some of you may have been shocked to see that I said "IF her momma is in heaven". I hate to break it to you, but that's definitely an "if". We seem to get the notion that all those who have died are, to steal the funeral cliche, in a better place. Why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to believe that those who never placed their faith in God are now residing with Him? Are we too afraid of pain to admit that most of the people who's empty shell lies in each cemetery you drive by are likely suffering, burning, continually dying in a God-forsaken BLEEP? It's so much more comforting to believe that maybe they accepted Jesus at the last second. Is that possible? You bet. Likely? Sorry, but no.

The reason I'm bringing out the harshness is for those who are alive but dead spiritually. If we realized where most of the people we love and care about are going, we wouldn't let anyone else go there without clearly understanding that there is a way of salvation. If you had taken the chance to talk with your grandfather, your aunt, your friend's cousin's fiance, or the person you didn't really know that God laid on your heart, they might not be separated from God for the rest of eternity. But no, we let ourselves believe that they are in heaven havin' a good time feastin' with Jesus (hallelujah, glory be)! After all, they did attend church their whole life, they have to be there. Plus if we believe that, it saves us from having to ask that awkward question, "Do you KNOW where you are going?" And we would hate to do anything so uncomfortable. The cause of Christ just isn't quite worth the psychological discomfort that question might cause us or the other person, and we all know it's politically incorrect to psychologically discomfort someone. How about this: quit being a pansy and realize that BLEEP exists and people are going there way faster than you are telling them, and then DO something about it.

P.S. I speak to myself here too.

On How I Hate to Write

2009-03-10T12:44:00.001-07:00

So here I am trying to write a 5-page term paper for my Old Testament Survey class. And you have to understand, I have absolutely no desire to write this thing. I have no desire to write whatsoever. So much so that I thought I would write a blog about how much I don't want to write. Ironic, eh? I reckon I had rather blog because I can use my natural accent instead of making a vein attempt of pretending to have a large vocabulary (as if i don't intuitively portray that characterization on here on given occasions).

I have to say the weather has been flippin' awesome here lately. A nice mixture of sunny and overcast with no rain, in the upper 70's/lower 80's with a steady refreshing breeze. Now I realize that sounds like summer to some of you Yankee pansies, but here in the South it don't get no better'n this. I have no idea where I'm going with this, but I figured it to be worth mentioning. I enjoy being envied I suppose. In all seriousness, the weather has made me think about how blessed I really am. On top of the weather, I've been blessed with an am amazing group of friends, both here in Webster County and in foreign states. I went to an amazing concert last night. I have been given the miraculous ability to read for 37 hours per day to keep up with school work, and still scrape up enough money to cover January's cell phone bill (yes, it's March, and you people are behind on your blog subcriptions). Moral of this blog: Enjoy the weather, love life, thank God for it. Y'all have a good 'un.

The Flood

2009-02-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

I had to write a paragraph (which turned into an essay) in my Old Testament survey class that turned out to be so darn long I figured it was worth posting on here. I guess I just get carried away sometime but hey, I've been needing a good blog post =D.

Being a Christian and a firm believer that God's Word is always true, I strongly believe that when the Bible says it covered every mountain on the earth, it means just that. To claim otherwise as a Christian and say that "God didn't really mean it covered the whole earth, it was a figure of speech," leaves an opening to say the same about any other passage that contradicts what they want to believe. Unfortunately, this argument doesn't hold much water to those outside the Christian community, so a more rational argument must be used. Needless to say, the modern scientific crowd utterly shuns the notion of a worldwide flood. I believe to admit to such would also force a belief in a Young Earth and the rest of the Bible, but that's beside the point. Even Wikipedia slams a flood account with the mere title of flood accounts ("Deluge Myth"), shutting down flood-favoring evidence that even the ancients recognized without even an attempt of explaining the discrediting. I find it ironic that our society of "open-mindedness" is so closed minded to anything that poses the slightest opposition to their beliefs. Before I go quoting other sources I would like to insert my personal evidence that I have scraped together. At this time twelve days ago I was gazing down into the Grand Canyon, by far one of the most beautiful, jaw dropping places in Creation. It was almost too amazing to fully take in. The fact that it's there is evidence of a Creator to me, but again this isn't good enough in the scientific community. I was reading all the info on how over 400-some-odd-million years ago the canyon began to form and blah blah blah, and the more I read the more holes in the theory I saw. The biggest being the geography around the Grand Canyon. It does not flow down into a valley and continually cut deeper, but it cuts into a 2,000-foot-high plateau. This fact seemed to have puzzled those who came up with the popular theories, because the river could have much more easily gone around the plateau. How does water go up two thousand feet and the cut through solid rock down to where it should be? Well, a darn big flood seems like a good answer to me. The Bible says that the earth opened up and poured out water as well as with the rain, and the Grand Canyon could very likely have been one of those places. We also have no idea of the power of the currents that could have gone on during the rise and fall of nearly 30,000 feet of water. I realise that my Grand Canyon argument doesn't hold much water (aside from the Colorado River, haha) but it is definitely a reasonable hypothesis.
Some evidence mentioned on the Wikipedia page (that I have also read elsewhere, but wasn't able to find it right off) is the bounty of fish and sea shell fossils found way up in the mountains. Those salmon would have either jump several thousand feet, or they swam up there, and fish don't swim so well in the ground or air. Scientists often use the fact that so many flood accounts were given by so many ancient people to discredit an actual flood event because none are very much alike, but instead this seems to be evidence for a flood instead of against it. Why would everybody across the face of the earth write about an event that never happened? A catastrophe of that magnitude would certainly not be ignored. I could find more evidence if I continued to search but I'm sure I've breached a word limit somewhere a while ago with this post.

This is Funny

2008-12-30T18:47:00.001-08:00

Please don't get all excited and drooling cuz this isn't an actual full length blog. But not to worry! I promise to post a full blog as soon as I feel like it. This is my blog you know. I post when I want to. We clear? Good. Anywho This has got to be the funnest thing I've read in the history of our 6,000(yes, thousand)-year-old universe. I laughed so hard I cried. I think the effect of me having my Mac speak it to me added some serious humor effect, so if you're lame and still use Windows, go to Sounds, Speech, and Audio devices and type it in for ole Microsoft Sam to say. Dont click on the link below until you read it all.

"The best wedgie i have ever had. Theres nothin wrong with a good old fashioned wedgie. A friend of mine gave me a wedgie on my birthday and I loved it. I recomend a good wedgie to anyone. Its helpful to have a wedgie while performing live."

That was a product review for this: http://accessories.musiciansfriend.com/product/Wedgie-Headstock-Mount-Pick-Holder?sku=429040

If you're not rolling by now something is majorly wrong with one of us. You folks have a good New Years!

Only In Mississippi...

2008-12-20T19:18:00.000-08:00

As I was standing outside earlier, I realized just how much Mississippi, and the rest of the Deep South, has it's own culture and way of life. Things happen here quite often that are totally normal to me, but when you step back and look you realize that "don't too many other folks do it this way." To us Mississippians, however, these things are so common-place that I'm having trouble thinking of things that stand out. But I have managed to come up with a few examples anyway. So here goes.

1. It is perfectly normal to get behind a tractor on the highway (as a side note, a "highway" in Mississippi is described as any road with stripes, and a road has to be paved to be called a "good road"). Tractors and cotton pickers are also seen frequently in town, waiting at the redlight just like everybody else. There is also the occasional horse.

2. At family reunions, the topics of choice are hunting and football, but probably more hunting. My cousin drove up with a deer he had killed (8-point, not huge but still a pretty good one), and every male old enough to walk had to go out and look at it. He drove the whole way with the deer still in the 4-wheeler rack. Then a few of is stood around and held the flashlight while he cleaned it on the truck tail gate. That's what really got me thinking about all this. Non-hunters like myself even know where the best places to hunt are (Big Black Bottom) and how to bait and track deer.

3. It is not uncommon to see and old, beat up vehicle pulling and older, beat upper (new word of the day) vehicle, down the highway (as defined in example 1.) with a chain.

4. The quality of a truck is determined by how much mud it will go through.

5. Yard rolling is done to people you like.

6. I went to an outdoor Christmas program last night at a church down the road. In this small country church, the members had enough farm animals to fill every scene. The narration was done in pure redneck accent. I would make an attempt to replicate some things that were said, but letters and punctuation really cant do it justice.

I reckon (yes, we say that) that's about all the good examples I can come up with right off. I'm sure there are ton's more, and if people will be kind enough to contribute and bring them to my attention I'll be sure and add them later. I would also like to add that, despite my formalish grammar style, I talk like any other Mississippian redneck out there. Y'all have a good 'un.

My Teeth Are Gone, Now I Can't Eat.

2008-12-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

That title was indeed an attempt to play with the title of Chris Tomlin's "My Chains Are Gone, I've Been Set Free" for any of you who were wondering about that.

Well I went in Thursday, a nurse stabbed me and told me the lights were going to wobble, which they did excessively, and next thing i knew i was trying to tell a nurse that just moved here from Minnesota how cold it got here in the winter. I wasn't doing too tell with that though considering the fact that my mouth was filled with gauze. I looked like a chipmunk caught eating out of the pecan jar. But other than that I cant say I've had any pain, I'm just pretty stiff.

I had spaghetti from a blender today. I'll spare you the details on what it looked like, but it definitely felt like I was chewing the cud. I have never realized what a blessing those rear molars really are. I mean seriously, incisors are pretty much useless after those first few crunches.

Needless to say I've had a considerable about of time to think lately, being for the most part restricted to the recliner in the living room. One thing I've been really searching for lately is absolute evidence that God exists and is there. Now don't get me wrong, I totally believe He is and that Jesus is the way, etc. I guess what I'm looking for is proof to show those who try to disprove God that absolutely could not be argued against. And maybe that proof is there, but no matter what it will still be argued against. After all, it is faith that saves us, and faith is, according to Hebrews 11:1, "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Faith by definition is saying "ya know what, I don't understand it, I don't have something in writing that proves this, but I know in my heart that it is true." This just goes to show us that we cannot argue or debate somebody into having faith, because faith comes from conviction in our hearts, which comes from the Holy Spirit. So I guess this could be a big of encouragement to those who get tangled up in the intellectual battle of weather God exists, because it's encouraging me as I write this.

A Summary of Myself

2008-12-20T19:15:00.000-08:00

12-3-08
Current mood:Elaborative

Don't ask me why but the blogging mood just hit me (inspired by this website-http://www.dullestblog.com/). Since the idea has already been taken I figured I would either have to break the record find something else to blog about, which may or may not be more interesting, but I would hope as humorous. Humor is not the subject of the day though because I am quite in a state of gloom. I mean, wouldn't you be if you knew some dude was going to knock you out and cut the three biggest teeth in your mouth out tomorrow, leaving you in pain for several days and instructing you to do salt-water rinses after every flippin meal for the next several weeks (does that really help?). On the dentist note, it has been my long-standing opinion that the tooth fairy DOES indeed exist; however the money you receive from her is actually a high-interest loan from the dentist which you pay back healthily when you grow up and have kids.

For any of you bored enough to continue reading subsequent blogs of mine, there are a few things you should know:

1. I am staunchly conservative in my political ideology, and speak of such often. Any good jokes about liberals, socialists, communists, Barak Obama, and other demonic forces will be told here.

2. I do not judge, I state facts. If you get drunk, you are a drunkard. If you cuss, you are a cusser (that is now a word). If you smoke, you are a smoker. If you are a human, you sin, making you a sinner. If you lie, you area liar. If you have a problem with any of that, take it up with God and Noah Webster.

3. To all you "be tolerant" people, if you complain about anything I say, you are being hypocritical to your beliefs, because you are thereby not tolerating me. You should tolerate the fact that I'm intolerant, and be open-minded to the fat that I am narrow-minded.

4. I was born and raised in the South. That being the case, certain words and phrases such as "ain't", "I reckon", "Do what?" (because Hannah loves it when i say that), "Y'on'a (do you want to)", and "wussat?" are apt to be a part of my language, depending on my current mood. I also have adapted a bit of foreign culture into my vocabulary such as Canadian ("Eh?"), Australian ("'ello" and anything about wallabes, Stever Irwin/sting ray jokes, etc.), and which ever culture says "Ya".

5. I am very opinionated, as I already stated in relation to my political views. My opinionation is not limited to politics, but expands to music, religion (John 14:6), and anything else that I know I'm right on, which is fact in the event that I really am right.

6. I love information. I don't care if it's pointless (like the fact that camels can drink 2.5-7 gallons of water per minute) or something that actually has some relevance to life. If I don't know it, I'll look it up, and usually have a way of doing so immediately.

7. Most importantly, as I hope you have gather from my bio, I am a follower of Christ. He died so I wouldn't have to, so the least I can do is serve Him.

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